he shaved USA in his pubs
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I have fence marks all over my body
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
