Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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