i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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