My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
