we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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