based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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