In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
