coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
