it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
