some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
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