your parents love me but you hate me
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
