I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
