the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Randomize
