I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
