i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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