can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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