I've blown a few things in my day
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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