ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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