I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
