can we get nightvision for the apartment?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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