Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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