No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
