I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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