What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
