After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
