Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize