someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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