I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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