I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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