I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
