Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
