He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
She bit a glass in half.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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