1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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