it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
