You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
