After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
