You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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