yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
