I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
