Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
