Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
