Umm I'm too high to move.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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