Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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