he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I am available for nakedness
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
