Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize