I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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