If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
