Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
