whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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