now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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