textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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