I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
