Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
