It's Friday. Sex?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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