getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Well I just put wine in my tea
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
