thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
