he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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