You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
