Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
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