I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
