Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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