I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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