its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
