remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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