its not stalking. its research.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
We left the knife in your bed.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
