Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
