So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize