is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
