Jerry, you need to find god
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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