i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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