If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
